Since I was a teen I dreamt of becoming a supermodel. I bought a book called “How to become a Supermodel” and studied it endlessly. Nerdy young me thought that studying is the way to any success ;-).
The reason I wanted to be a supermodel was my need to be seen, become famous, make easy money (how naive) and travel a lot. These “needs” were caused mainly by growing up as a nobody in a small town in the Czech Republic. Unfortunately, I had an athletic body shape which was not sought after in the modeling world at that time. I went on crazy diets, stopped eating, and ended up with an eating disorder. I was very skinny (to the point of health issues) but did not land any modeling jobs. Partially because of my shyness and low self-esteem (I never really believed that I am good enough to become a supermodel) and partially because I never really applied to any agency to become a model (I only hoped to be discovered).
After high school, I went to study to Prague and the world of new possibilities opened up. My friend signed me up for the Miss Czech Republic beauty pageant. I made it up to the third round. The judges found out that I am studying law lost interest in me. I guess they did not want to have a participant who would want to read and edit the competition contracts before signing them. I did couple modeling gigs in Prague but focused more on building my career in law. That changed when I moved to the Yukon.
The Yukon, Canada is a very big region with not too many people and not too many girls which were both my advantages. I started working with multiple photographers on interesting projects. I was getting modeling gigs for calendars and I was making some money for it. I enjoyed the opportunities and loved the camera focus on me. I continued modeling after moving to Vancouver.
Nowadays, I enjoy creative projects the most. Even if they are not paid. I also found out that I don’t really like hustling for the paid gigs as I can make good money outside of modeling. Waiting between shots, endless changing of poses, cold weather when shooting outside etc. got old pretty quickly. I guess modeling is not as easy as I thought when I was 10 years old.
On the flip side, I am very happy that I achieved my dream to become a model albeit on a much lower scale than I dreamt of. I feel like modeling helped me to gain self-esteem and more love and acceptance for myself and my body which I am very grateful for. In the end, it does not matter that modeling did not bring me fame or money or globe-trotting as I found all of those in a different way.
Photographer’s camera focused on me will forever give me the shivers and sort of an arousing high feeling and maybe that is what I was really looking for all those years ;-).
Would love to know if you ever wanted to be a model and if so why…